


Constellations in His Eyes

by SambliongPalpatine



Category: Point Break (2015)
Genre: Blind Character, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:27:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25645783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SambliongPalpatine/pseuds/SambliongPalpatine
Summary: Some of you who may have read my other fics know how I’ve talked about me being blind and probably thought I meant it in a ‘bad-sighted’ kind of way. Well, that’s not it. I’m actually blind, disabled blind. I have a cane, I know how to write and read braille and all that jazz. I mean, I have 5% of vision in my left eye, but still.So I thought I should write something about it but I didn’t know  what. Until today that my roommie was watching this film and I got hit with inspiration.It’s obviously different to my story because my blindness is due to an illness and the character’s to an accident but the journey is the same.I hope you can enjoy this and if anyone is going through something tough I want you to know you are not alone.     I’m here to give virtual hugs.
Relationships: Bodhi/Johnny Utah
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Constellations in His Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you who may have read my other fics know how I’ve talked about me being blind and probably thought I meant it in a ‘bad-sighted’ kind of way. Well, that’s not it. I’m actually blind, disabled blind. I have a cane, I know how to write and read braille and all that jazz. I mean, I have 5% of vision in my left eye, but still. 
> 
> So I thought I should write something about it but I didn’t know what. Until today that my roommie was watching this film and I got hit with inspiration. 
> 
> It’s obviously different to my story because my blindness is due to an illness and the character’s to an accident but the journey is the same. 
> 
> I hope you can enjoy this and if anyone is going through something tough I want you to know you are not alone. I’m here to give virtual hugs.

Constellations in His Eyes

Bodhi would say he was pretty in synch with all his senses. He had to, in order to do what he did. He needed all his senses to jump from a cliff or ride a wave. He needed to see his path. He needed to hear what was happening around him. He needed to smell the elements. He needed to feel it all;the air, the water, the earth. He needed to taste the adrenaline. the freedom, in his mouth. 

And even when he knew the worth of each one of them, and how rich they made life, there was one he valorized above the rest: the sight. 

Sight was so important not only for the sport, but for life. To appreciate beauty. To see where he was going. To see someone’s true character. 

He would never have tired of enjoying the dawn on the mountains or a sunset at the beach. He would never have tired of watching old movies or people dancing on the street. He would never have tired of watching the sky before and after it rained. He would never have tired of watching birds fly. 

He would never have tired of watching Johnny Utah. 

He would have died happy knowing he’d been the last thing he saw. 

And in a way he was the last thing Bodhi had ever seen. The last thing Bodhi will ever see. 

-

After the last challenge, after seeing Utah in that boat and jumping into that storm to crest the wave and being plunged into the deep, he had thought that there were worse ways to die. 

But the ocean hadn’t wanted him. He’d been washed back to shore and when he opened his eyes and saw darkness he thought he was in some sort of afterlife. He had killed people, why would he deserve the light?

But then he had drawn breath and had felt sand under him and water lapping at his feet. He had smelt the mixture of plants, rot and salt in the air and he had tasted the bitter tang of saltwater. And yet he hadn’t seen anything. He had heard the ocean and some seagulls and the splashing fish did when jumping. But everything was black

Bodhi hadn’t given it much thought. He had gotten up, thanked the Mother Nature for returning him to land, and started walking in the direction he could hear civilization. 

Didn’t matter for how long he walked, everything stayed black. He still didn’t give it much thought, it was most likely a secondary effect of either having hit his head or staying underwater for however long it had been. 

He was disorientated, he didn’t know where he was or where was he trying to get. 

So it was really no surprise when he nearly got ran over by a car. 

-

Blind. 

Permanent tissue damage. 

No surgery. No therapy. No medication. 

His world would stay black forever. 

Maybe that’s what he deserved after everything. Maybe that’s the punishment Mother Nature saw befitting for him: to be deprived of his most precious sense. 

Bodhi stayed in hospital for a week. They wanted him to speak with a therapist but he declined; they couldn’t help him. No one could. And it would have been hypocritical of him to pray to a god he didn’t believe in. 

So in the privacy of his room he had despaired and cursed and denied. There he had gotten himself together enough to learn how to use the cane, give his real name and have someone help him get a new passport so he could go home. Wherever that was. 

Getting used to depending on the cane was hard and frustrating and he had been at the point of breaking many times. He had managed to get a grip and prove the doctors he could be discharged. 

When they asked him if he had anyone his only reply had been "ghosts."

-  
Now he is here, meeting one of them. 

He has been in Cali for a week, commandeering the couch of a lovely older lady that had found him stumbling his way through the city the day he arrived. She had offered him a place to stay for as long as he needed and had helped him purchase some basic stuff. 

He can handle meeting angels. Ghosts though, he isn’t sure of. 

"Bodhi?”

He is in a park feeding some birds when he hears that voice. 

"I thought you were dead," they say in a broken whisper. 

Bodhi smiles humorlessly. "Maybe I am," he says, bending to throw the last of the crumbs to his winged friends. 

"Why are you here? You can’t be here, they may still be looking for you."

"Has no one ever told you," he starts, sitting back up, "that you don’t look for dead people, Utah?"

-

Utah takes him home that day.   
He goes thank the old lady for her kindness, promises he will be okay, that he knows Utah, then grabs his meager possessions and they are off. 

Utah tells him he lives on the beach. He tells him he has a roommate of the furry kind, that there is nothing to worry the furrball is great. He tells Bodhi he is a self-defense instructor now and surf teacher in the summer. 

Bodhi tells him a little about his stay in hospital and coming back here. He tells him about Carmen and how nice and patient she was with him. He tells him about the technicalities of being blind but doesn’t touch on what’s beyond the surface. 

Utah jokingly says that that explains why only one side of his face is shaved. Bodhi laughs about it despite the ache in his chest.   
-  
"We’re here," Utah announces nervously. "Do you- ah, need any help?"

Bodhi smiles tightly. "I just need you to show me around and point out where everything is. Especially if there are any steps," he says casually. 

"There are, considering it’s a two-story house," he sounds a little embarrassed. "There is a downstairs room though," he adds quickly. 

"It’s okay, Utah. I can handle stairs," he says maybe a bit brusquely. 

There’s a silence and then by the grumbling and huffing Bodhi guesses the other might have nodded and then remembered Bodhi can’t see it. Mumbling a quick apology  
and without another word gets out of the car. Bodhi unfolds his cane and follows suit. 

Upon opening the door, there is a happy yip and the clacking of paws flurry of sound before there is a wet nose pressing against Bodhi’s legs and a bushy mustache is tickling him. "Whoa," he yelps in surprise, not having expected that. He bends awkwardly still holding his cane, to try and pet the little guy. Or at least where he thinks the dog is. 

"Oh god, Kali stop!" Utah chides, pulling the dog away. "I’m sorry, he always gets excited when meeting people," he says sheepishly. 

Bodhi smiles a real smile in what feels like ages. "Utah, did you name your male dog after a godess?"

"Hehe," the blonde chuckles and Bodhi thinks he can feel him blush. "I may have mistake him for a she," he explains. 

The dog whines as if saying ‘can you believe that’ before barking once and, judging by the noise, run back inside. 

"Well, that went alright. He may still be a little offended though." Utah sighs. "Come on, there is only one step now," he says. 

Bodhi nods, venturing his cane forward to feel for it himself. He can feel Jhonny hovering anxiously as he walks but Bodhi ignores him. 

The house opens to a wide space, there is only a table pushed against the right wall, to the left after five steps there is the living room. Three steps after the living room is the dinning room.To the side there is a sliding door and then a flapping one that connects with the kitchen. 

On the right the wall opens to a small hall; to the right there are stairs and to the left there is the kitchen. Six steps after that there is a guest room with a bathroom, a closet and a sliding door that opens to a terrace. 

"This is you," Utah says and starts pointing the location of each thing: bathroom to the right, closet to its left, side-door lefthand and bed righthand. "I think it’ll do," he says finally. 

"Thank you, Utah," he says honestly with a bow of the head in the blonde’s possible direction. 

"Don’t mention it," says the other. "I’ll leave you to it then. Feel free to go exploring outside, if you want," he adds as an afterthought. 

Bodhi only nods in response. 

-

Once Utah leaves him alone; Bodhi gropes for the wall and slumps against it. 

He should have refused the offer of coming to live with him. He should have pretended he hadn’t heard his greeting and just continue with his bird-feeding. He shouldn’t have come back to America. He should-

He shakes his head, it helps no one to sit and rumminate about what should have or shouldn’t have been. So he steps away from the wall; presses his cane to the edge and starts mapping the room out in his mind. 

He follows the edge of the wall until, after seven steps, he bumps into the bed. He follows the contour of the bed and goes around it until he bumps with a nightstand on the right side. 

Five steps after the stand he finds the bathroom door and another five steps to the left he finds the closet door. He will explore those later. 

From here he can hear the waves crashing on the beach and he is dying to go sit outside for a while. So he continues following the wall. It’s all straight for five steps, then a corner, then five more steps and finally the sliding door. 

Despite wanting to rush outside and go feel the water, Bodhi takes his time. The last thing he needs is to trip and break his face so he very carefully slides the door and with his cane feels for the rail, he places a hand on the doorframe and steps over it. 

Bodhi walks slowly around and across the space. He discovers there is a square plastic table with four chairs and a fifth one against the opposite wall. He can’t feel the sun over his head so there must be a cieling of some sort and then there are three steps that go down into the sand.   
Bodhi smiles toeing off his sneakers, with the help of his cane he pushes them against the wall near the steps. That way they are out of anyone’s way but he’ll remember them when he comes back. 

He goes to sit close to the sea so the water can tickle his feet and just lets his mind wander. 

For him his life was over. He can’t do any of the things he loved to do and he has no idea of what he would or even want to do. He is too old to start again. Once he had contemplated going to college but now he isn’t sure. Besides, what would he study? What would his disability allow for?

He has no monetary issues, thankfully. He wouldn’t want to live from anyone’s charity. Much less Utah’s. 

He feels so frustrated and alone and hopeless. For a split second he thinks about abandoning himself to the sea but then he remembers it had rejected him before so he discards that idea. If the ocean wanted him it wouldn’t have retourned him in the first place. 

But what does a second chance worth if you are incomplete?

Ozaki would probably slap him until he got his sense back. Which sense, though? 

Bodhi wishes he could switch off his mind and just exist without thinking. But he can’t and it hurts.   
He knows the sun is about to set, he can feel it. Literally. He thinks he can even smell it. But he can’t see it. He will never again see it. 

And then come the tears. Silently sneaking out to go join the sea. 

He sobs quietly but the wound is too wide and silence is not enough. It’s too much and he is but a man. Alone. Blind. 

Useless. 

Worthless. 

If Mother Nature didn’t want him, who will? 

There is sudden warmth enveloping him and soft murmurs of his name. 

"Bodhi," they say. 

"Don’t cry," they plead. 

"You are not alone," they promise. 

Bodhi lets himself fall knowing there is someone who will catch him. 

It’s okay to grief one’s losses. He is allowed to mourn and grief his. 

-

Sometime later they are still on the beach. Bodhi is craddled against Johnny, his glasses askew, tears drying on his cheeks. Johnny’s hand in his hair. 

"Could you want me again, Utah? Even if I’m broken?" he asks quietly, vulnerable. 

Johnny stays quiet for a few moments longer before finally speaking. "  
Again’ implies there was a stop to it. I never stopped," he says. Bodhi’s heart skips. "And you are not broken. You can’t see but you’ve got your other senses so don’t think that makes you any less you," Johnny states solemnly. 

Bodhi hums. "Now you can’t take those words back, brother. So don’t go regretting them later," he jokes to hide a real fear. 

Johnny shakes his head. "I won’t. You are stuck with me, brother. "

Bodhi smiles. 

,


End file.
